Honor and Respect

It's Memorial Day. Many churches across the country most likely took the opportunity to honor those who had given their lives in service to our country. Perhaps surviving relatives in their congregations were honored. I'm sure that even living vets were somehow recognized in some services. Other churches may have taken a slightly different approach. They may have used the opportunity to denounce our current war and the taking of life in combat in general. That's part of what makes this country so wonderful - the freedom to do either one.

War, no matter how necessary, is never a good thing. NBC Dateline aired a story last night about PTSD in soldiers returning from the war in Iraq. It highlighted studies done ever since WWII that measure how many soldiers actually shoot to kill versus simply firing in the enemies general direction. One lietunant colonel, in talking about the current post war/returning home health survey mentioned that soldiers are asked if they were injured or ever in grave danger. He said one of the most important questions not asked is, "Did you kill anyone?"

War, no matter how necessary, is never a good thing. When Saving Private Ryan came out ten years ago, a vet back home who served in the D-Day invasion said the film's depiction of the blood, confusion, violence, pain, etc. was head-on accurate. My wife and I watched Dr. Zhivago last night. In one scene where the Russian army is advancing to toward the front to engage the Germans in WWI, you get a sense of the despair encountered in the cold, harsh, bleak environment, littered with barbed wire and sharpened posts ready to impale someone. You see the hopelessness on the faces of the soldiers. It reminded me that war, no matter how necessary, is never a good thing.

Contrary to how it might seem, this is not an anti-war post. I'm posting no opinions on our current conflict, at least not today. This is a reminder to stop today to honor those men and women who throughout history, have given their lives for our country and our freedom. Don't qualify the recognition you give by denouncing the current administration or the current war. Just show respect and honor to these fallen heroes. Unqualified and well deserved honor and respect.

The Curse of Knowledge

In Made to Stick, brothers Chip and Dan Heath describe what they call the Curse of Knowledge. It's the tendency for people to find it hard to imagine (or remember) what it was like to NOT know something once we know it. As the writers put it, ". . . it becomes difficult for us to share our knowledge with others, because we can't readily re-create our listener's state of mind." Try this example they use to illustrate this. Tap out the rhythm to a familiar song like The Star Spangled Banner. Have someone listen and try to guess the song. Chances are about 1 in 50 they will guess it. You will have a hard time believing they can't guess it because you can hear the tune in your head. Just to illustrate how hard it is, tap out Happy Birthday as well. You'll notice the taps are identical.


This concept of the Curse of Knowledge is very easily applied to our faith journeys. In pastoral circles, seminars, classes, and books that all deal with the idea of sharing your faith with others, one of the recurring themes is that the more recent your conversion, the more readily and enthusiastically you are to share your testimony or faith with others. Over the years, I have noticed that the more knowledge one has about God, the Bible, and faith in general, the harder it is to communicate that to someone who knows very little. It's the Curse of Knowledge.


The effects of the Curse of Knowledge then begin to multiply. The knowledgable person becomes frustrated with the unknowledgable. They begin to formulate reasons why others don't understand. Many times those reasons are extremely harsh . . . and unfounded. Soon, the knowledgable person gives up all attempts to communicate his or her faith. This intensifies a different kind of curse on those who have not heard (there's one less messenger) and on those who have the knowledge (neglect of the mission given to us).


In your own faith journey, examine how knowledgable you are. If you are pretty well seasoned and experienced, how easily can you communicate this to others? Or have you just stopped trying? If you are pretty young on your journey, do everything you can to remember what it's like to not know anything.


The Curse of Knowledge has one other effect that I have addressed here. It makes simple things overly complex. This is definitely a curse when it comes to the Gospel.

1st Time ever guest post

dlucks, a good friend of mine, shared with me this particularly insightful time he had over a grill. With his permission, I am posting his thoughts as today's guest blogger.

Vicki & I were invited to a cookout a couple weekends ago. There were 4 couples there. We have no kids...the other 3 couples have 2 kids each. They know I like to cook so they asked if I'd man the grill. I was happy too. The guy had a lot of food...even more than enough to feed 8 adults and 6 kids. There was enough food for 2 batches on the grill. I got a batch of dogs, burgers and chicken going but not being familiar with this guy's grill, I started 'em off on medium. One of the other guys was hanging out with me. We were just chit chatting about stuff, passing the time. I kept an eye on the food...it was going, but slowly, so I kept inching the temp up. There was no rush...the grill is at the top of the driveway on the side of the house...everybody else was in the backyard...adults on the deck...kids playing football and having a water gun fight in the backyard...it was a beautiful Sunday afternoon. Next thing I knew, the grill was turned all the way up to HIGH but the flame wasn't. The food was cooking, but slowly. Again, nobody was yelling for food yet and my one buddy (not the guy whose house we were at) was hanging with me. Everybody was coasting along. More about that in a minute.

My buddy noticed this line of Leland Cyprus trees that separated the yard we were in from the neighbor's. If you know about these trees, they are evergreens and make perfect landscape barriers. They grow about 3-4 feet a year and these were easily 20 feet tall. He contrasted those trees with one Japanese Red Maple he and his wife had planted in their own front yard 6 years ago when they moved into their house. He said that over those 6 years, that tree (although very beautiful and very meaningful to him) didn't appear to have grown more than a few additional feet in total. He said that a week or two before, as a lot of stuff had begun to bloom, he noticed that his tree hadn't greened up like some on his street. He went out to inspect the tree and when he grasped the trunk and gave it a shake, he said all of the ground at the base of the tree moved. He pulled on the trunk a bit and he said the whole tree came up out of the ground. He was standing there holding a dead tree that was so long in the making. He inspected the ground to find a huge nest of ants that had killed this tree by destroying its roots. Now, back to the grill...

It took about 30 minutes to cook that first batch and we brought them off just as it started to drizzle. The adults and kids in the back came inside and we made sure the kids had something to eat. We put the 2nd batch on as the rain picked up. The guy whose house we were at came out to ask us what we needed. I told him about the slow cooking issue. He went to his deck and pulled over his big deck umbrella for us. It was really raining now. He asked if I thought we should change out the tank. I said I didn't see how that would really make any difference. After-all, the food was cooking...just not quickly. He said we should try changing it anyway. So we did...and the 2nd batch cooked in about 8 minutes.

So what, right? I didn't think much about any of it either but a couple days later, God gave me 2 applications from those events which I shared this week at a huddle with the Small Group Leaders I coach:

• Grill - things may look ok on the surface...might be going slower than we'd like but it's ok...until stormy weather hits. Underneath the surface, we need to make sure we've got a proper and constant flow of GAS (God's Awesome Spirit).
  
• Tree - again, things may look ok at first glance...we may be fine to coast along for a season...but when we start assessing our growth, we may find that if we haven't been making sure our roots are established, protected and healthy, we are wasting our time.

We (me and the SG Leaders) spent some time talking about the "roots" that we (as leaders) should establish and protect in the groups we lead. It was a good discussion starter and the actual cookout experience was a real eye-opener for me.

First Impressions

Now that season 16 of Survivor has ended and American Idol finishes this year's run this week, I've been worried about my wife and I will do together. Tonight we may have found our answer - The Bachelorette. I always find it amazing how this matchmaking shows work. I cannot understand how anyone can go on one of these shows in order to find true love.

It's interesting and embarassing to watch when it's so many men vying for the attention of one woman. Tonight, 25 men were competing for 15 spots. And oh my, the testosterone filled antics they tried to get DeAnna's attention during this one evening. I cannot believe that some guys really think women dig some of the stuff they tried.

As we were watching tonight's episode, my wife asked me a question I could not answer immediately. She asked me what I would have done in that situation to get her attention. We've been married so long and The Bachelorette is so not like anything either of us would have done that I cannot fathom being on that show. I did eventually give her an answer and it did not involve showing off my abs, running about in a Speedo with her name stitched on it, or any of the other ridiculous antics witnessed tonight.

Pondering this question caused me to immediately think, "This would be a great blog post." How would I make a great first impression on God? Luckily, I don't have to make good first impressions. He knows I've got lots of problems and he loves me already anyway. The only thing he wants is an honest, genuine, sincere, devoted relationship with him. That's a lot easier than trying to earn roses, I can tell you. Unfortunately, we tend to treat our relationship with God more like being on The Bachelorette, trying to earn his favor.

Shapely Hamburgers - part deux

A couple of weeks ago, I shared the strange phenomenon of placing circular hamburger patties on the grill and coming back to find oval shaped patties. Following up on the suggestion of a friend, I tried cooking an oval shaped burger to see what would happen. After analyzing and eating the results, I am now ready to present my findings. On April 30, I placed 5 circular burgers and one oval burger on the grill. When the cooking was complete, I had 5 circular burgers and 1 oval burger.

I must admit, I was surprised that the circular burgers did not convert to the previously elliptical result. These results are basically meaningless in explaining the phenomenon of circle to oval conversion. Well, maybe not meaningless. But they do require more tests to prove any theories. I suspect that temperature is the culprit. The grill was probably not as a hot the second time around.

This experiment mirrors what happens in the real world all the time. We see some result that we like and we want to get the same thing. We fail to duplicate ALL the conditions. We only do the parts we see or like. We might try to be like Jared and eat nothing but Subway in order to lose weight. But if we eat all our sandwiches loaded with high carb dressings, etc. and we always eat a footlong sub, and we fail to exercise, chances are we will gain the weight that Jared lost instead of losing. We would have to duplicate every aspect of what Jared did in order to get Jared's results.

We make these same mistakes on our faith journeys all the time. We spend our lives copying the actions of others without knowing whether we are copying all of the them or even the right ones. We do not analyze our own situations. We do it under our own advisement. We might (usually) try it without the power of the Holy Spirit, which is usually the main ingredient anyway. Does any of this sound like something that has happened in your life?

For years, I have been trying to get a certain kind of results in an environment where it probably won't happen. It's been an interesting three months for me as some of this has come to head. Following what I am confident is a divine leading, I have decided to document the current stage of my faith journey online. I have created a blog where I hope to daily journal on the happenings and thoughts of my life in these regards. I invite you to watch and even participate in my faith journey at The Year of Living Faithfully.

Inclusion and Mother's Day

A belated Happy Mother's Day to all the moms out there. We spent yesterday with my wife's mother them both celebrate this special day. We went to church with her and experienced one of the best Mother's Day celebrations I've ever witness. Before I share my thoughts on that, let me take a moment to honor my own mom.

I'm the oldest of five kids, so I've witnessed my share of sacrifice on the part of my mom. I've seen household administration and organization done at its best. At an early age, I learned just how much work it takes to cook, clean, and care for a large family. Now that I have my own kids, I can look back and understand more fully the level of love, understanding, and occasional disappointment that goes into the job of parenting. As I watch the mother of my own children do a much better job than I at this gracious aspect, I appreciate more what my mother must have felt when I was growing up. Thanks for all you did and still do.

Back to yesterday. If you have ever attended church on Mother's Day, chances are pretty good that you have witnessed a service very similar to the one we were part of yesterday. The oldest mom, the youngest mom, and the mom with the most children present were given special recognition. Then, all the mothers were asked to stand. The ushers proceeded to give each woman a special token of appreciation. So far, nothing new, at least for me. Once all the mothers were seated again, the innovation came.

The pastor honored a few women who were not mothers in the biological or even the legal sense. One particular older woman was recognized for being like a mother to so many people in the church. Another childless woman was honored for her work as an OB/GYN nurse. Both of these women had wanted children, but through various circumstances had been unable to have any.

Being as sensitive to emotions as possible, the pastor then asked if there were any other women he had not included who wanted to be mothers and been unable to. Two women who had suffered numerous miscarriages came forward. It was all very moving, Through it all, I was very impressed by the way the church honored as many people as possible without offending anyone.

In my mind, I contrasted this with another Mother's Day celebration that did not go as well. In this church, the pastor did not want to offend any women, even those who had chosen to not have children. He changed the day to "Women's Day" and every woman was given a token of recognition. What happened is that more women were offended at this change then might possibly had been if the non-mothers had been excluded. The complaints I heard came from women who had children and those who did not. The complaint was the same, "This is supposed to be Mother's Day, NOT Women's Day."

All these thoughts began to be directed to the idea of inclusion in the church. In many churches, regardless of how progressive they might be, there are many exclusionary elements that make newcomers and non-church people feel out of place. The strange vocabulary we use is one of those. Unspoken habits and dress codes are another. It might be the style of music or elements of worship.

I think that church is supposed to be as inclusive as possible. I feel that way because I'm fairly certain that's the way God wants it too. I've been part of many churches that were not. When things were changed to make them a little more inclusive, people in the church responded much in the same way some of the women responded to Women's Day - negatively. I've been part of churches where people grasped the missional vision that God has for the church and dealt with it. They did not feel trampled on just because things were done to include the outsider.

In your faith journeys, where have you been excluded? Where have you felt included? How have you endeavored to include those around you that God wants to see journey with you?

BOGO

BOGO - an acronym in retail sales that stands for Buy One Get One. For example, "Buy One, Get One free" or "Buy One, Get One half price"

This past weekend I saw an advertisedment on the scrolling marquee outside a big box pharmacy that included the acronym BOGO. The marquee did not indicate whether the "get one" was free, half price, or any other price. It simply said, "BOGO widgets" and then scrolled to the next deal on hand cream or something.

I didn't think anything of it. I have seen BOGO used frequently enough that I know what it means. I wonder, however, what percentage of the rest of the population does? I first recall seeing BOGO used three or four years ago by national inexpensive retail shoe store chain. I don't know if they can take credit for making BOGO part of our everyday vernacular, but they are the ones who did for me.

New words get introduced into our language all the time, especially with technological advances. "Internet" is a pretty new word, despite it's widespread use. Words change their meanings over time. Keith Drury has written an interesting article here about that. The use of certain words can easily segregate us into groups. When I was a public school teacher, I was amazed at how many acronyms we had that were somewhat esoteric to our profession. All professions have their own core set of exclusive words.

Language can sometimes be a segregator when it comes to our faith journeys. For those of us who grew up in church, we know all the buzzwords. For someone who is new to faith and Christianity, it's easy to get lost in conversation, the sermon, or even in Bible study because there are so many words you don't understand. The saddest thing for me is when individuals get discouraged and never come back because of all these words they don't understand.

Without harping on the exclusivity issue too much, there are words that get introduced into our lives when we begin our faith journeys that bring positive results. Words like "grace", "hope", "forgiveness", and "love". We already know these words and their meanings, but when one begins a faith journey, they take on a whole new significance. They become more readily recognizable. BTW, BOGO has one other meaning. According to mybaby-name.com, it is a Slavic boy's name which means "receives God's glory", another thing which happens to us when we begin our faith journeys. That's a new word I'm definitely excited about introducing into my life.

Just a thought . . .

Whachis!

In case you've never seen the t-shirt, "Whachis" is defined as the last words said by a redneck before killed in some stupid stunt, i.e. "Watch This". We've probably all been guilty of this at least once, us guys anyway. While in the dentist's lobby today, I read an article in Sports Illustrated (Apr 21 edition) about the dangerous risks we take. The writer had signed up for a weekend bull riding school. He broke his collarbone. A fellow student was killed. This weekend my wife probably felt like I belonged somewhere in these categories.

Here's the story. If you are blood related to me, you were there when this happened. The other three people who read this were not, so bear with me as I share the details. We were gathered at my sister's house for my niece's birthday party. Her husband brought out his childhood go-cart for everyone's enjoyment. I got the second ride of the day, just to test the throttle and choke adjustments. That's my story and I'm sticking to it. On my last lap around the house, I turned the wheel sharply to pull into the "pit area". I turned a little too sharply. The go cart flipped. The upper frame landed on my forearm (I have a big knot near my elbow). This is a picture of the "road rash" I received as the cart and I slid for a few feet. My wife screamed. My oldest son, my brother-in-law, and the other fathers there for the party all laughed. Then all the wives sat around and talked about their juvenile husbands. The younger wives were warned by the older ones that it does not get any better.


This pic was taken the morning after. It doesn't do justice to how really cool the scrape looked when it first happened. When it first happened, I had red streaks all the way up to my wrist. The wound area was a bit wider. I was totally bummed the next morning when I saw how much it had healed. I was hoping to get a day or two of some really cool stories to tell about my great accident.

I have found that many of us treat our faith journeys with a "whachis" attitude or we glory in our accidents. We talk about how bad our lives were before we began our journeys. We do it for all kinds of reasons. We do it to remind ourselves how far we have come. Sometimes we do it to brag about how far we have come, forgetting the grace element. Perhaps we want to get some excitement back into our lives and we start walking down memory lane.

It becomes really dangerous when we say "whachis" with our faith journeys and allow ourselves to be put in risky situations where staying true to our faith can be difficult. It is true that God will always give us a way out of any temptation we may face. At the same time, it is our responsibility to avoid the temptation as much as possible, not go hunting it down.

Other times we want to hold onto our wounds. We may know that God can heal any wound in our lives. We know that it is through Jesus Christ that he does this. But the wound becomes such a major part of who we are, that we don't want to let it go. We are afraid of what life will be like if we don't have it in our lives. That fear is another one of those things God can deliver us from.

Which of these categories do you belong in? BTW, my son later turned over the minibike. We went window shopping for dirt bikes today.