Did you hear the good news today? According to a recent study, 95% of all people have engaged in premarital sex. This includes women. Glad to hear that, who else would all those men been engaging with? It also includes people going back to the 1940's. The whole point of the story was to say that we as a society have not been as chaste historically at we would like to believe. It is also being used as "evidence" to discredit abstinence only education.
I don't know what to think of this. Ninety-five percent sounds pretty high. Is this an agenda driven report? Most likely so. But if it's true, if it's accurate, now what? My first thought is this - If a gazillion people do a stupid thing it's still a stupid thing. Having premarital sex is not a stupid thing, but I do think it is an unwise thing. Just because everyone else MIGHT be doing it doesn't mean you have to.
On a deeper level, the debate about all things related to Christian morality will rage for a few days before drifting off into irrelevancy, waiting for the next heat-of-the-moment piece of fuel. People will try to determine what was meant by "premarital sex" and how far is too far before you cross that line. High schoolers, college-aged, and young adults will be the most common participants in this discussion. There will even be the "what about engaged couples" debate. I know this will happen because I used to take part in every one of them when I was a high schooler, college-aged, young adult, and engaged person. The church will shake its head, wring its hands, and cry out in despair and frustration at the declining mores of society and general loss of its young people.
OR, the debates will take place. High schoolers, college students, young adults, and engaged couples will ask the questions. And those of us on a faith journey will answer with this question - What is the place of sex on your faith journey? That's really what's it all about. It's not about looking for loopholes, special permission, or adjusting the meaning to fit cultural dynamics. You can say the same about gambling, slavery, abortion, drinking, smoking, divorce, racism, wealth, greed, war, poverty . . . any issue you would like.
Where do we find the answers? You find them in community with other people on a faith journey. That's not what you thought I was going to say is it? You know, 95% of people asked would have said "the Bible."
When you gather your community around you to determine what place _______ has on a faith journey, make sure your community is made up of people actually on a faith journey. You can't just assemble the people around you who will tell you what you want to hear. If your community is a faith journey community, you will get your answer. The answer will come from their experience, the traditional perspective on the issue, their reasoning, and yes, even the Bible. I don't want you to "go to the Bible" by yourself because a committee of one is pretty easy to convince.
The really cool part of finding answers in community like this is that God, the author of all faith journeys, is usually right in the midst, guiding this part of everyone's journey. He really is one you want to please anyway, isn't it? Isn't a faith journey supposed to lead you to Him?
By the way, 99.9999999999999999999999999999999999999 % of the world's population won't care how you answer the question. But there is One who always will.
When is the right time?
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This past week I had coffee with the pastor of the church we're now
attending. I talked for about an hour straight, telling my story. All the
while he prov...
15 years ago
9 comments:
I just read this thought and I know that I said I would just read on, however, I must ask a few questions. Do I use the same commuinty to get my answers for sex in general? What answers should I be looking for? What do you think?
Hi Zora,
I'm not sure what you mean about "sex in general". My gut instinct is to say yes, you use the same community for those questions too. However, depending on the nature of your question, you should probably consider a smaller subset of the community.
Now as far as what answers you should be looking for, I hope yo are not looking for someone to confirm what you already think. Granted, depending on your faith community, you may get some very conservative but not biblical answers on things like sex. Some Christians still get pretty uptight about sex, despite it being the third greatest gift given to humanity, behind salvation and peanut butter. But whatever answer you get, it must all come back to the Bible. Tradition and experience inform our answers, but the Bible confirms it. The Bible trumps these two every time.
Now you have to also remember that the Bible does not explicitly deal with every contemporary issue that confronts us. Because of that, a rational use of tradition and experience is needed to help us work out our answers.
Does that help?
Matt
I am not sure at all what you mean? Who should this smaller community subset be? I know sex is great or can be with the right person. But I am not sure what people to ask. Could you perhaps help me with this? I think you might be able to help based upon your depth of knowledge revealed through your writings. Please give me a little bit more of what you think on this topic. Thank you for your help!
When I say "smaller subset" I mean a group of people you trust to encourage you when you need it and to kick you in the butt when needed. It's a group who will tell you you are heading down the wrong path in order to help you turn around. It's a group of people who trust you to do the same for them. In a church, we usually find those kind of relationships in Sunday School classes or small groups. The label is not important. It may not even be people you go to church with. Whoever, it is a group of trusted individuals also on a faith journey with you.
You say you don't know what to ask about sex. If you don't have questions, then ask nothing. In the context of this post, the questions usually asked about sex are "How far is too far?" "What constitutes sex?" "Isn't engaged close enough to being married?" When these questions are asked in a (Christian) faith community, they are asked in light of the general understanding that Biblical sexuality is always expressed between one man and one woman in a marriage relationship. There are some out there who will differ and argue that's an outdated cultural understanding, but I don't think so.
In my last comment, I was somewhat joking about sex questions. I've been asked about what types of acts, positions, etc. are permissible within the context of a heterosexual marriage relationship. Those aren't the types of questions you would ask the whole church on Sunday morning. I probably would not ask my whole Sunday School class. If I really wanted to know the answer to that question, I would talk to a couple of my closest friends. Or if I was REALLY concerned, I might ask for an appointment where my spouse and I could talk to my pastor. Incidentally, if you have those kinds of questions, I won't answer them in this kind of forum ;-)
In a broader application, there might be questions about the proper response to the war in Iraq, playing the lottery, drinking alcoholic beverages, how to address the needs of the poor and welfare issues. Asking these questions (and most others) in community reveal a much broader understanding of what God would have us to do. Again, the question is "What place does ________ have in my faith journey?"
Now, you don't have to bring EVERY question to church with you. You can get the community's response if you look at history and tradition. You can process what you know about these with regards to your current issue with what you know Biblically about them. WHen you begin to find that you are short on knowledge in any of these areas, that becomes a good time to take it to the community, or some subset thereof, to help you with blanks.
Am I getting closer, or am I missing your point altogether?
My brain feels like it is going to explode!!! I need to take a break from this heavy issue we started here. What does the phrase "faith journey" mean? Does this mean being a Christian? How do you start one? What does this journey lead to? Shoot!!! You make me ask so many questions. Thanks for being there!
Glad I could be there ;-) I'm more glad that your head is now filled with questions. That is after all why I do this.
Yes, "faith journey" for most people probably means "being a Christian." I use this terminology for a couple of reasons. One of those is to avoid common misunderstandings of what it means to be a Christian. For many, it is an opportunistic phrase to appeal to a broad base of support (political, economic, etc.). For others it is a label that means "I go to church". Recent polls show that a large percentage of people who say they are a "Christian" live lives that are relatively unaffected by their faith. I must also say that when I say faith, I specifically mean Christian, Biblical faith - not generic religion of any type.
I have chosen to instead use the phrase "faith journey" because of what I hope it intentionally conveys. Many times, becoming a "Christian" is an event in time that has little bearing on life thereafter. There may be some behavioral restrictions to which some try to adhere, but I think it is really more than that. Our decision to follow Christ is the first step in a lifetime of becoming more like him. It is indeed a journey. We do things differently when we have been on that journey today than we would have 20 years when we began.
Journeys are filled with all kinds of twists and turns. When it is a faith journey, how you navigate those twists and turns should be informed by your understanding of what it means to be a follower of Christ.
How's your head? BTW, I've posted a new entry pointing other readers to this post so that the "community" can begin to help out.
Hi Matt,
My head is better. However, I am still confused. What exactly is a faith journey? You relate it to Christainity is that what you are driving at? What do you mean? In your reponse you speak in very general terms. Life is in itself is a journey. I would like to know how you are living a faith journey? Perhaps your answer will help me. It cannot hurt me. What does a faith journey involve? What do you do to stay on this faith journey? Most important what do you have faith in? Since you inidicated that you would be away in prayer, is this part of your faith journey? What impact does this have on it? How does prayer help on your faith journey? What types of things do you pray for? How do you know your prayers have been answered? That is it for now! I await your responses!!!
Hi Zora,
Glad to hear your head is better ;-) Sorry if my responses have been vague - that's not my intention. When I say "faith journey" I mean "being a Christian" with all the emphases I mention in my previous comments. Here's how my faith journey differs from the journey called life in general.
My faith informs and directs my life journey. I choose to participate or abstain from certain activites because of decisions I make based on my faith beliefs. Now, on a surface level, that seems no different than any other person, and perhaps it isn't. But as I said earlier, I'm trying to live my life in way that avoids what Dietrich Bonhoeffer called "Cheap Grace". I'll let you Google the term if you are unfamiliar with it. There are too many references to it on the web for me to pick one that I think jives with my perspective.
As far as what I do on my faith journey, perhaps I have now made it too mysterious and enigmatic with my choice of terms than the other way around. Yes, I attend church. I study the Bible. I pray. I will attempt to answer your specific questions as thoroughly as I can in a separate post. I think our current discussion is a good one and this would be an appropriate method. I'll post later this morning.
Thanks!
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