Speak softly and carry no stick

I've relearned an important lesson this week. It's amazing how powerful a soft response (or even no response) to a bitter, angry, outburst can be. This is true whether it be your child, parent, spouse, co-worker, employer, ________ , you fill in the blank. As I was dealing with one such situation this week, I was talking to myself the entire time to not lash back at the other person. During this me, myself, and I conversation, another voice entered in and posed the following question, "What secret hurt do you think is causing the other person's pain?"

WOW! I thought. How easy it is to forget little simple things like that. When I began to try to get inside the other person's head and hear his or her self-talk, it really made a difference in how I viewed the situation. I no longer felt like the target. I realized I was just collateral damage. I no longer felt like a failure in my inability to manage the situation. I began to think of empathetic solutions that would not only promote healing in the other person, but also move us beyond the impasse.

When it was all over, I remembered all the other times this has proven helpful. In fact, someone who witnessed one of this events was impressed and commented on my "excellent leadership." I don't think I would take that assessment too far. I just practiced something real simple and in the end, something real loving.

This isn't a new leadership lesson from the Harvard School of Business gurus. The Book of Proverbs in the Bible, chapter 15 and verse 1, written between 2500 and 3000 years ago, says that a gentle answer turns away wrath. So besides just the interpersonal communication advice, there's another important lesson here. There are actually some important AND relevant things in the Bible. It's not just a book filled with fantastic stories. Of course, I personally believe all those stories are true and that even the most fantastic have relevance to my life. My faith journey is made possible in large part because of it.

So, while I continue to use my Bible to inform all things in my life, I will also try to speak a little softer. Just a Thought.

"Receiving" the Power of Forgiveness

I've written about forgiveness twice here already. Once about giving it and another about whether it's real. However, something hit me like a ton of bricks today. What about the power of RECEIVING forgiveness? On a real superficial level, a lot of us have experienced the relief of receiving only a warning ticket instead of a sure-fire insurance rate raising speeding ticket. Many of us have been caught in one or more lies and eventually forgiven.

I have offended friends, coworkers, family, . . . . . , in one form or another and caused sometimes very deep hurts. In those times where the offended party extended undeserved forgiveness, I remember the emotional release it created in me. I remember the freedom I felt to resume normal relations with that person. And I remember the awareness of grace that had been extended to me.

Today was one of those days for me. I was very graciously forgiven. I knew I would be eventually offered such, but not this soon. I gained a deeper appreciation of just how much that person cared about me. I witnessed and experienced firsthand the sacrifice of one's own feelings for the importance of relationship and the greater power of love. It was a divine thing.

Today's experience reawakened my appreciation for what has been done for me so I could be on a faith journey. My journey, like the journey of many people, is filled with events that moved me gradually in a specific direction. But it has a definite point in time when I said this is the journey I want to be on and I knew I couldn't start until I received forgiveness. I remember the rush of joy, sorrow, relief, and so many other emotions when I realized that I had been loved enough to be forgiven even though I did not deserve it. It was the moving of divine grace on my life.

As I bask in the warmth of this grace-filled day, I am filled with many thoughts. I'm thinking a lot about grace. I'm thinking about how I have received it. I'm thinking about the power it has given me. And I'm realizing how much power I hold in my hands to give to someone else the next time they need some.

Who you are when you don't think anyone's watching

Last week we took our annual summer vacation. We spent a week with Mickey Mouse. We had a blast. It was nice to forget about the real world and chase a few june bugs.

Something very cool happened on Wednesday. I woke up thinking, "Wouldn't it be cool to see someone we know?" I don't know the exact numbers but Disney World gets like a billion visitors a day, literally from all over the world. So the chances were pretty slim. But not slim enough apparently.

I was browsing some overpriced merchandise, trying to help my youngest child spend the money that was burning a hole in his pocket. A young boy, about ten years old came up to me and said, "Aren't you Pastor Matt from the Children's Camp?" I confirmed his suspicion and asked his name. I don't know all the faces but I know almost all the names. As soon as he told me his name, I quickly identified his church and told him to say hi to some adults he would know for me.

As soon as he left, I was reminded of another event from the previous day. While walking to some attraction in the park, someone inserted herself and her daughter into the middle of our group. My youngest was with me, so our pace was naturally slower. I yelled ahead to my wife to say don't let too many people get between us. The woman huffed, made some rude comment about being too slow, and rushed past my wife. I remember thinking, "What a great example!" as I also noticed the shirts representing what I presume to be her church that her entire family was wearing.

It's been said that who we are when no one's watching should be the same when everyone's watching. What about when you don't think anyone's watching? I'm pretty sure more people are watching than we realize at all times. Unless you live alone, someone is always watching. I'm glad that right before that kid came up to me that I was not engaging in some less than honorable behavior.

Two thoughts. We must be mindful how our actions affect the faith journeys of those around us. We've all heard the hypocrite stories. Second, if you are one those watchers who is contemplating a faith journey, don't let the missteps of others discourage you. Keep on the journey that you're being called to. Move on around them if they are going to slow or are temporarily blocking your way, but do so with grace.

Just a thought.

Forgiveness & Hollywood revisited

I'm glad I'm not Mel Gibson. If you were to write his bio right now, you might call it The Crucifixion. You could sell it as a special boxed set with his movie The Passion of the Christ. In fact, a friend of mine even said that Mel is getting raked over the coals because he made that movie.

I just find it interesting how fickle our society is. Two years ago, Barbara Walters couldn't say enough good things about Mel. Now that Mel made some inappropriate comments due to the high levels of alcohol in his system, she wants nothing to do with him. The rest of Hollywood has followed suit. The average guy and gal on the street stands up and cheers, saying, "Down with Mel."

I'm not trying to justify what Mel said or did. Nor is he a close personal friend of mine whom I'm sticking up for. But come on people! How many of us have not said something totally stupid that we knew after the fact was going to cause a lot of ripples? Some have argued that a person in his position and influence should be more careful. True. But Mel Gibson is an actor, not a world leader. Incidentally, where were all these people when Jesse Ventura made his bone-headed statement about people of faith being stupid? He was a governor at the time and he was sober.

I'm starting to rant now, so let me reel myself in and get to the point. At some point, after many stated apologies by both Mel and his spokespeople, the world will forgive him. They'll forget it ever happened until the next time he even thinks about saying something derogatory about anything. Will this be real forgiveness? Or will it be some cheap version that only ensures the cash flow of those involved? Do we even know what real forgiveness is? Just a thought.

settling in - part 2

I began week 5 in my new office yesterday. It looks the same as it did last week. I don't know when I'll get around to unpacking it. Last week I said it was getting to me, hindering my productivity. Now it's just annoying. My fear is that soon I will become immune to its presence and not do anything about it, except maybe in 12 months.

That's the dangerous part about settling in. Sometimes settling in means settling for something less than you desire. That perspective will many times cause you to move backwards away from any of your goals. I can think of times in my faith journey when there was something I needed to correct. I knew it was unhealthy, counter productive, even counter active to anything good about my life. If I put it off long enough, I got so accustomed to it being there that I no longer noticed it. Twelve months would go by and my faith journey would be seriously suffering. If I traced my path backwards, I could pinpoint that unaddressed issue as a marker in time that caused my journey to deviate from the desired and preferred path.

Whatdya do in a case like that? The best thing is to fix it right then. I blew up my car by not addressing the issue right then. $2500 later I'm wishing I had acted a little more quickly. We have to not be embarrassed to let others help us if necessary. I need to get settled in the right way instead of settling for less. My office needs to be unpacked too. Just a Thought.+