Body Rhythms

My leg is doing some really weird stuff. For no apparent reason, it will go numb. Or, I will get a very warm, almost hot sensation on the outer part of my leg and I can feel it move down my leg and into my foot. I don't mean my whole leg gets warm. I mean I can feel this spot about one inch in diameter of warmness move around. When it gets to my foot, it stops and the bottom of foot just gets hot. The really really weird part is it has been doing this for about three years, but only in late January and February.

When it first began in 2004, I freaked out. I thought I had some sort of blood clot. So did the doctors. Bloodwork was done and appointments with various specialists were scheduled. After an ultrasound ruled out any circulatory problems, they sent me to a neurologist. After sending electrical impulses all through my leg and taking pictures of all sorts, the diagnosis was "Nothing's wrong with you." By the end of March, the weirdness stopped. My physician had no good answer. It was ruled out as stress. Especially since it had stopped.

The stressor that shouldered the blame was the death of my father. He passed away on Feb 27, 2004, only seven weeks after being diagnosed with cancer. Calling those seven weeks stressful is an understatement. It also coincided with drastic change in our ministry appointment. There were many other minor factors involved. When all these things were added together, they equalled one big honkin' ball of stress.

I was satisfied with that answer. Until January 2005. The weirdness in my leg began again. I did not revisit the doctor for more tests. I felt pretty sure my body was reacting to memories and emotional anniversaries. As before, it was gone by March. January 2006 came and so did the weirdness. This past Christmas I wondered aloud to my wife if January 2007 would be a repeat. A few weeks ago it became official. I had my first bout of weirdness. (Well, my first bout of weird leg sensations. Weirdness isn't really new to me.)

I told my wife about it last week. Her first words were, "Is this about your father's death?" I wish I knew. By now I'm fascinated with the process. How does my body and mind work together to create this cycle? Twenty years from now, will I be able to predict the onset of weird leg sensations? Seventy-five years from now, will there be some sort of local tradition that springs up to commemorate this annual occurence, complete with weather predicting myths and the like?

As long as I can be assured there is no real health problem, I'm not worried. I'm assuming it's some type of pyschosomatic response triggered by the emotions of the anniversary of my father's passing. In my faith journey, there are probably similar cycles of high and low times. If I analyze it, I'm sure I can map out the cycle and identify the triggers. If I'm smart enough, I can emotionally manipulate events to avoid the low triggers and maximize the high triggers. Or, it may be hopeless. I may be a prisoner to the cycle. Trying to avoid the low triggers may be like telling someone not to think about hot fudge sundaes. That's ALL they will think about.

Plus, faith journeys are more than emotional events. There is a spiritual element that can act outside of our emotional states. Many times our spiritual response is actually contrary to the norm for the current circumstance. For example, joy in the midst of suffering, love in the face of persecution, etc. But there are things we CAN control and should control. Are there things we know will trigger a downward or reverse trend in our journey? Avoid them. Some cycles should be broken.

I have to also be careful to not write off those low moments as "just part of the cycle." There may be a real spiritual health concern present that I should address. Nor should I take for granted the high moments either. So take the time to assess your rhythm. Meanwhile, I need to walk around and wake up my leg.