Disappearing Peanut Butter

Remember all the recalled peanut butter due to the salmonella scare back in February? Well, I'm waiting for the peanut butter to come back! The shelves (at least here in NC) have been disappointingly and deplorably void of my favorite substance. When will it be safe to eat again? When will they return the product to the stores? It made me think about all the pet food that has recently been recalled. Will pet owners go months without food for their dogs and cats?

What is taking so long to restock the shelves? Is it the supply pipeline? Is it the cleaning process of the affected equipment? Is it the cooking process? Whatever it is, I never knew that keeping the nation supplied with peanut butter was such a huge venture.

This lack of peanut butter is becoming a real problem for me. When I want a snack, I can't just go to the pantry, grab a jar and eat a couple of tasty spoonfuls. It's forcing me to look for alternatives, not all of which (or ANY of which for that matter) are all that healthy.

In my spiritual journey, I have made similar mistakes. There have been times where I have negelected that which would be healthy for my journey. Things like Bible study, times of prayer, and time together with others on a faith journey. I substituted less healthy things like time together with people not on a faith journey or perhaps even antagonistic towards such an idea. I tried to live on my reserves of healthy eating before without replenishing. It worked for a while, but they eventually gave out.

When I realized my error, I began the turn around. I began to do those things which fostered my faith journey again. What about you? What were the symptoms or signs you needed to get back to healthier ways? How did you turn it around? Of course, it did take a while, just like the peanut butter. It would have been better if it hadn't happen at all. The good news is I returned. Now if only the peanut butter would.

Look Out!

I hit a mailbox Saturday. It really hurt too. I wasn't in a car - I was out jogging. Once you stop laughing, read on to see why. . . .

Here's how it happened. Earlier in the week I discovered when jogging up hill, it helps to not look at the top of the hill. When you focus on the top, it feels like you never get there. It seemed to be more tiring, more discouraging. So, one morning I decided to keep my eyes on the road just ahead of my feet. After conquering the hills with ease this way, I decided this would become standard operation for me, especially as I look ahead to running a half-marathon through the hilly parts of Raleigh this November.

So, Saturday afternoon, I'm out jogging. I didn't really stretch well before heading out. I was already a little tired and hungry before leaving. I'm not sure I'm up for this last hill. But I have my new trusty method to get me over the hump, literally. I've got my head down and I'm powering up the hill. That's when it hit me, or more appropriately, I hit it. I ran right into a mailbox. Apparently, this particular mailbox was a lot closer to the road than all the others because its edge hung over the white line. I made it home with a minor abrasion on my left arm.

Now I'm rethinking this whole strategy. Or I'm at least modifying it some. And you know me, I began to have a few thoughts about how this might be applied to my faith journey. I can think of some leadership applications like balancing the long term and short term perspective. I know somewhere there has to be a faith journey application. I think part of it is you have to look where you are going, or something's going to hit you and try to derail your journey.

I began to think some more and wondered to my self if it was possible to have a long term perspective on my faith journey. Besides heaven, what would that even be? What are the hills and crests we need to be mindful of? What is the short and long term balance of our faith journeys? When do I focus on my feet and when do I focus on the road ahead? What are the unexpecrted obstacles like misplaced mailboxes we need to look out for? What do you think?

I Did It! (again!)

As I was running this morning, slowly and gradually getting my body ready for my half-marathon this November, several thoughts crossed my mind. "Why am I doing this? I'd really rather be in bed." "How far can I go today? How difficult will that last hill be today?" "I have to learn to relax my arms more" "Discipline is a good thing."

The thought about discipline is the important one. Discipline has been on my radar a lot lately. I have a few friends who frequently take stock trading classes. They do a lot of "practice trading" with no money to hone their skills. Their goal is to be able to retire three to five years once they start doing it with real money. One guy commented that it was important he practice because it developed discipline within him that transferred to other areas of his life - even spiritually. He reads his Bible more. He takes his faith journey more seriously.

Another friend one time spoke about the negative aspects of discipline transfer. When he was in high school, his youth pastor was really into weightlifting. The youth pastor used physical fitness as a metaphor for spiritual fitness. It was a good idea. Eventually, it became a legalistic pursuit. "If you are really following God, you will take care of your body and be in peak physical condition" became the underlying message. My friend drifted away from his faith journey for a while. You must learn to avoid those kinds of traps, not mistaking the means for the ends.

The good thing about discipline is it allows you to say "I did it!" Accountability helps with that. Accountability helps you accomplish good things, not just avoid bad things. Everyone likes a feeling of accomplishment, whether it be a clean house, losing 20 pounds, running a marathon, or even reading your Bible.

What are the things you want to accomplish on your faith journey? What type of discipline would help you? How can you implement that discipline? Do you need help in any of these areas? What traps do you need to be wary of? Do you want to be able to say, "I did it!"?

I Did It!

This morning I have a lot of thoughts. Why is it taking so long for Peter Pan peanut butter to return to the shelves? When will the warm spring weather return to stay? Has the onslaught of pollen ended for the season? On a more somber note, I wonder how the students, staff, and parents of Virginia Tech are coping this morning. Some friends and I watched the footage over a lunch meeting yesterday and it certainly changed the tone of our time together. At the risk of sounding generic, my prayers are certainly with them.

But that's not what I want to post. I am one step closer to reaching a personal goal. This morning I registered for the City of Oaks Marathon. Actually, I registered for the half marathon, but I have the option to upgrade at any point between now and Nov 3. Now my goal is to tell everyone I know, not because I want to say, "Hey, look at me - I'm going to run a half-marathon." I'm telling everyone because now if I don't do it, everyone will say, "Hey, I thought you were going to run a half-marathon!" Accountability is everything.

Some people shy away from accountability because they view it as somebody trying to catch them doing something wrong. It certainly has that feel in the public sphere of politics, corporate finances, government, etc. I prefer to see accountability as a means of helping me achieve my goals. That's one of the things that have made programs like Alcoholics Anonymous and Weight Watchers so successful - they have accountability built into their systems.

Accountability helps my faith journey. At times in my life when I have experienced particular struggles, I have benefitted from accountability relationships. I had good friends who were there to love and support me. They let me know when I messed up and did not blow it off as
"Okay". They also prayed for me, helped me come up with ways to avoid or overcome my struggle. And I did the same for them. My journey has always been the most exciting and strongest when I have been in an accountability relationship.

How do you feel about accountability? Does it scare you or do you welcome it? Do you have people you could trust to keep you accountable? How do you see it strengthening your faith?

Shifting to Neutral

I'm a little later posting this week than usual. That's partly because I've taken some time off and gone on a mini-vacation with the family. It's also because I haven't had any thoughts. We've been at my mom's for a couple of days. Two or three times I've logged on and stared at the screen. I told my wife I need to post something but I can't. My mind has shifted into neutral and I have none.

That's the good thing about vacation for me. I am very successful at forgetting I have real world adult responsibilities, except of the parenting and husband-ing type. My mind shuts down. So, a-la Jerry Seinfeld, I'm writing about nothing.

I've been trying to relate this thought (or lack of thoughts) to my faith journey. What happens if my faith journey shifts into neutral? Is that even an appropriate description? Because my mind is in neutral, I can't even come up with any more questions, much less answers.

So, I need your help. What do you think? Can we shift our faith journeys into neutral? What are the effects & circumstances surrounding such a shift?

Christ is Risen!

The grave is empty. There are no bones, nor were there ever. Jesus is alive because he did rise from the dead. On this Easter morning, I hope you experience the life-changing power of the resurrection we celebrate today.

The Disappearing Man

SPOILER WARNING! Some of the female readers may be offended by what I'm about to say. Before you read any further, let me say that I am in no way trying to diminish the efforts of the women who have worked so hard with our children, boys AND girls. However, I am continually disturbed by the absence of good men in the lives of our young boys. At this point, you have been warned. Continue reading at your own risk.
************************************************

Over the weekend I attended a Cub Scout Camporee with my oldest son. There were over 700 Cub Scouts and 1600 people total at this weekend event. This particular weekend was special because it was also the moment when the oldest group of boys "crossed" over from Cub Scouts to Boy Scouts. It was a very cool and yet solemn occasion. Each scout was greeted by his Cubmaster and the "Chief" of the Order of the Arrow on one side of the bridge. The scout then crossed a bridge where on the other side he was greeted by the Scoutmaster of his new Boy Scout troop. There, the scout was given the insignias and colors of his new standing.

As I watched this ceremony take place I was bothered by what I consider to be a stark inconsistency. I was shocked by how many women hold positions of leadership in an organization whose purpose is to train and empower boys to become capable men. Some of the roles and duties performed by women this weekend appeared to be largely administrative or organizational in nature. From that perspective, one might write this off as affinity differences in genders. Some might say that the women were doing the jobs that the men did not want to do. The guys rather be out in the woods - hunting, camping, starting fires, etc. True, given the chance, most men rather be out acting on their primal urges - myself included.

But that does not explain the number of women who were den leaders - the adults who week in and week out lead the smaller groups of boys, guiding, directing, planning all the activities, and ultimately, modeling "manhood". How are young boys going to understand what it means to be a man if a woman models it? We have several women den leaders in our pack. I'm thankful for their willingness to serve. But I am more disappointed that there are not men to fill those positions.

Church is no different. In many churches, especially smaller churches, there is a desparate need for male leadership. A friend once remarked to me that a single mom began attending his church, hoping to find some stable males who could model what it means to be a man. She had tried Cub Scouts, but all the leaders were women! Problem is, most churches have few men who are willing to work with children. (I'm thankful that in my church, we have good strong men working with ALL our age groups in our children's department. As a father of two sons, I am so thankful for them.)

Veering from the societal implications and problems that the growing percentage of women leadership in Boy Scouts presents, I think we have a bigger problem in the absence of good strong male leadership in the church. We have done something to the notion of what it means to be on a Christian faith journey that has overly feminized it. Is there something about being on a faith journey that naturally has feminine undertones? Is there something about being on a faith journey that naturally repels men but attracts women?

Someone asked me the other day if many people left comments on my blog. I told him that the type of things I write usually generate introspective thoughts, but not necessarily discussion. Please, I'd like to know your thoughts. I'd like to see some discussion on this. Am I barking up the wrong tree or am I getting close to the target? Is this a real problem, and if it is, what do we do about it?

What exactly is a faith journey?

For the last week or so, a reader by the name of Zora has been asking what I mean by "faith journey". Unfortunately, I don't think I've done a good job of answering her questions. I had hoped some others would join the confusion and clear up the mess I was making. Here's a link to the original discussion.

I've decided to answer her last set of questions here in a separate post.

1. What exactly is a faith journey? People who are more familiar with church and church terms would call this "being a Christian". Read the post I've linked to above for some of my particular nuances on the phrase, but here are the important details of what "being a Christian" means from a "faith journey" perspective. When we are born, we are automatically on a journey that takes us away from God. This is a result of original sin - the sin that Adam and Eve committed in the Garden of Eden. We will continue on this journey until we do some about it. We may do good things, be good people, etc. but the reality is that we are moving away from God. The Bible calls it "being dead in our trangsressions". At some point in our lives, we will hopefully realize we are going in the wrong direction and desire to move towards God. We have to acknowledge that the sin that was taking us in the wrong direction can only be counteracted by and removed by the death of Jesus on a cross. The church term for this is "repentance". At this point, our journeys change directions. We are now on a new path, heading towards God.
2. What do you do to stay on this faith journey? After we "repent" and begin our new journey, the Holy Spirit does a few important things. He cleans away the sins from our pasts that happened along the journey that was taking us away from God. He makes us new people who now live for him. There are things I do to help keep me on the journey and to strengthen my faith. They are things like Bible study, prayer, and being part of a community that shares my faith. That means being involved in a church on a macro level. It also means joining some smaller group within that church (like a Sunday School or a small group) on a micro level. The micro level enables you build relationships of mutual encouragement. There are many other spiritual disciplines that can and should be practiced to help us stay on the journey also. Here's a couple of good books on that matter: The Celebration of Discipline by Richard Foster and With Unveiled Faces by Keith Drury.
3. What do you have faith in? As noted above, it begins with a belief that the only way to have this faith journey is by having faith that the death Jesus died on a cross is the only way to get off a path towards death and onto a path towards life. I have faith that there is a God who relates to us as Father, Son, and Holy Spirit. I have faith that he really cares about all the little things in my life and provides for my every need - whether it be my material needs or my spiritual needs. I have faith that he will answer my prayers and it will be for my good, even if I don't like or understand it initially.
4. How does prayer help on your faith journey? Prayer is conversation with God. That means I talk AND I listen. If I listen, I will "hear" him speak and know what to do if I'm seeking guidance. But it's like learning to talk to anyone. You don't always understand everything they say in the beginning of the relationship. There are nonverbals, mannerisms, even dialectical issues you have to learn. If you really work on praying regularly and incorporate listening, you will learn to recognize his voice.
5. What types of things do you pray for? Everything! I pray for myself - that I will be a better father, husband, pastor, friend, and yes, even a better Christian. I pray for others in all the same ways. I pray for people to be healed. I pray for wisdom in important decisions. I pray for peace and comfort in times of difficulty. I pray that people who are not on a faith journey will begin one. Sometimes I just spend time praising and thanking God for who he is and what he has done. Other times I just sit and enjoy being in his presence. This is the mystical part that is perhaps the hardest to understand. Here's another book that can help in that area - Experiencing the Depths of Jesus Christ. It is written by Madame Jeanne Guyon, who was a 17th century Christian mystic. (Christian being the operative term!)

I think this addresses all of Zora's questions and I'm sure will generate more. As always, I would love for some of you to join the discussion.

Have a great day!

Retreating

I've got a couple of thoughts I'd like to share this morning, but I'm refraining so I can get away ASAP. I'm going on a prayer retreat for a couple of days. It's my first chance to use my new backpack as I begin the process of becoming a real man. But the best part will be a couple of days with no distractions so I can just pray. I'll let you know all about when I return.

In the meantime, I encourage you again to take part in this discussion on one of my other posts.

C-ya

Join the conversation

Please join the conversation that's taking place right now on this earlier post Statistics, Schmatistics. Part of the point of this post was to do things in community, so I'm asking the community to help out.

Thanks!

The Life and Times of Agent #4

When life is not extremely busy, there are a couple of shows I like to watch that all involve FBI (or other glamorous government law enforcement types) agents. One of the things I've noticed is that the stars of the show don't need as much protection as the two-bit guy who is still trying to get a break into show biz and is playing the role of Agent #4. For example, whenever there is a raid on some abandoned warehouse where an atomic bomb is suspected to be armed and ready to go off, guarded by fifteen bad guys heavily armed with grenades and large-caliber automatic weapons, Agents #1 - 15 are all decked out in body armor, helmets, face shields, gloves, protective suits, etc. But, the main characters and stars of the show Ace Goodguy, Biff Hero, and Raquel the Ravishing rush in with only a bullet proof vest that says "FBI" on the back and a really cool looking pair of safety glasses that could easily pass for $500 Ray Bans. I guess their star status gives them protection the other agents don't need.

Our faith journeys will be filled with times where it feels like we have to storm a warehouse full of bad guys. Or, more accurately it will feel like a warehouse full of bad guys has stormed us. It helps to have some type of protection to protect against the assault.

You could apply this to your faith journey in two different ways. On the one hand, you could say that the longer you have been on a faith journey, the more able you are to handle the troubles that come along. That's true. You don't need as much armor. You've reached a certain star status. That's NOT true. I'd advise against it. It's a mistake everyone makes, probably many times, in their journeys. The less protection you have, the more likely you are to fall and get injured.

A more appropriate application would be to always dress like Agent #4. Put on the whole suit and every bit of protection. In the book of Ephesians, Paul called this the armor of God. Our attitude should be more like that of a football player. None of the great stars of the game say, "I've been playing long enough that I can wear less equipment since I am so good." To the contrary. Because they have become so good, they know they need MORE protection because the opposing players are going to be trying even harder to take them down. The enemy of your faith journey is going to be working even harder to take you down.

Just in case you need more evidence to convince you, think about all the faith journey "stars" that have fallen from grace. In every case, they didn't wear the whole suit. Now that you have your assignment, go out and do well Agent #4. Just a thought.

Lessons from Winston Churchill and Jimmy V

"Never, never, never give up" is a famous quote by Winston Churchill. "Don't give up. Don't ever give up" is also a famous quote by someone who is probably more well known in this part of the woods - Jim Valvano. This past weekend, the ghost of Jimmy V could be seen at the ACC Tournament as number 10 seed NC State played their way to the championship game against favorite to win University of North Carolina. They played a great first 17 minutes befoe falling apart. With around 11 minutes left to play, they were down by sixteen points.

I ALMOST turned off the game. Nobody really expected State to win. Everyone acknowledged they had played far beyond expectations. Honestly, their bench really was not deep enough to beat someone like Carolina. But, State had beaten this same team earlier in the season. With 9 minutes left to play, the lead was cut to single digits. By the 5 minute mark, it was a game. The Tarheels were clearly concerned they might not win. The Pack was clearly aware they just might. In the end, UNC was crowned tournament champs. They got to cut down the nets. But NC State came away as the winners to many because of the great effort.

"Never give up" is found throughout the Bible. We're told to never stop doing good. We are given assurance that our faith journeys are being continually refined by God. When trouble comes and tries to derail us, we are given encouragement that God will help us through. We are told of the good things that come when we never give up.

Faith journeys are all about never giving up. If we gave up, they would be "faith trips". If we look back on our faith journeys, we will discover times where we did things we never thought possible. There will be moments when we realized our responses even surpassed what others thought we were capable of. At times, we may feel like the 2007 Wolfpack. We don't necessarily win the championship, but we get a lot of credit for our effort. Our championship will come one day however, as long as we never give up.

Board Rooms and Basketball Courts

In my part of the world, basketball rules. In thirty minutes or less, I can travel to the campuses (campi?) of traditional basketball powerhouses UNC, Duke, and NC State. Yes, I know, NC State's powerhouse is more historical than contemporary, but as an alum, I have to have hope! The big news last night was the flagrant foul of Gerald Henderon of Duke that resulted in the bloody nose of Tyler Hansbrough of UNC with only 14 seconds left in the game. I watched the video several times. I really don't think he meant to do it. Henderson will not be able to play in Duke's next game, round 1 of the ACC tournament against NC State (go Pack!). Even if he didn't mean to do it, the referees ruled it was a violation of the flagrant foul rule.

As I turned off the sports news last night, I did one last channel surf before heading to bed. I got to watch Donald Trump fire a couple of folks in the board room of the show The Apprentice. I may have seen three of four episodes total in the six seasons it has been on. The board room is definitely the highlight. As I watched Trump wield his corporate power and mercilessly grill the losing team, I have to admit I was envious for that type of power. In the world of corporate America where the bottom line is the driving force behind decisions, there is no excuse for failure. At least not for Trump. As a guy, I would love to be able to wield that type of decision making power. At least I think I would.

As we go through life on our faith journeys, there are things we really don't mean to do. They are a result of bad habits we have formed over time. I remember having a conversation with someone after church one Sunday. We were still in the church and at times he would get excited. Once or twice he would have a slip of the tongue and say some things we usually avoid saying while in church. He was young in his faith journey and really didn't mean too. These words were part of the habits he had developed over time.

When we slip up, its very easy to become defeated. It is easy to believe that our faith journey has somehow become derailed permanently or that we need to go back to square one. We may believe that God borrows an idea from the Trump toolbox and says, "You're Fired."

Reality is probably closer to the Henderson/Hansbrough incident. He may not have meant to, but the penalty has to be paid. He can return and keep playing like he always did. So, stay in the game. Keep playing. Be glad life isn't like the board room. And Go Pack!

Not what you thought

I saw something the other day I never thought I would see. As I was pulling into the parking lot of a video rental store, I could hear the music blaring from one of the only two other vehicles in the parking lot. It was hard core gangsta rap. Imagine my surprise when I discovered the source. It was coming from the pick up truck beside me. The surprise began when I saw that the only person in the truck was an approximately fifty year old white male. I dropped my videos in the return slot, got in my car to drive away and the surprises kept coming. On the back window of the pickup truck were all the usual adornments - a rebel flag and several NASCAR related decals. I can't remember what they were now, but I know there was a third category of decals of the type usually found on a pick up truck in the rural South.

I'm still trying to reconcile all these conflicting images. I live in an area that is rapidly growing. Most of the economy is driven by the information technology and biomedical fields. People are moving here in droves from all around the country. Several years ago, one of the cities in this area was jokingly (and accurately) referred to as a containment area for relocated yankees. Despite all this, many of the people who live here state with pride their redneck heritage (their words, not mine). Our rap-listening friend fits the bill for this latter group, with the exception of his music of course.

I have enjoyed my own moments of not fitting into someone else's preconceived notions. On more than one occasion, people have been shocked to learn I'm a pastor. It's usually because of my appearance. I don't wear a suit, or even a tie, except on very special occassions. Once I was getting a haircut and all the stylists freaked out about half way through my cut when it became known I was a pastor. "You don't look like a pastor" was their response. "Good" was my response. I then pointed out how differently they treated and talked to me because of this new knowledge. I actually preferred it the other way.

There a lot of preconceived notions about people on a faith journey. They usually don't involve rap of any kind ;-) They do involve a list of do's and don'ts. Or they involve a list of things that will start happening and another list of things that will stop happening. Then the surprise moment comes when we realize that 2/3 of either list turns out to be bogus or yet to be fulfilled. It rocks our world. We don't know how to reconcile the situation. Was all we believed wrong?

Probably. Usually it's wrong because we were focused on the wrong stuff. A faith journey is basically about following God. We tend to add a lot of requirements or expectations of blessings to that. The trick is knowing exactly what it means to follow God. I'd like to hear what you think that means. Think about it and post your thoughts while I go look for that young African-American man driving the pimped out ride while listening to Hank Williams Jr.

Peanut Butter and Salmonella

I've always said that George Washington Carver is my favorite scientist of all times. Besides seeking God's wisdom for everything he did, he is generally given credit for inventing the absolute best food in the world - peanut butter. (Actually George Bayle is recoginized as first person to sell the stuff )I love peanut butter so much that I will sit down with a jar and spoon and eat to my heart's content. I'm pretty picky about my peanut butter though. There is only one brand that I will eat like that - Peter Pan Reduced Fat Crunchy. For those of you wondering, I have received no compensation for this endorsement.

Imagine my dismay last week whenI read about the salmonella contamination in my favorite brand of peanut butter. I quickly emailed the story to my wife who checked all our peanut butter jars. Every jar we had, including the off brand, came from the infected lot. Interesting thing is that we have eaten out of every jar and no one has gotten sick. Since we have consumed a fair amount of the creamy crunchy nectar of heaven already, we are assuming that we have a safe batch to eat. We're going to finish it off anyway.

You are probably wondering how I'm going to relate peanut butter to our faith journeys. First, I do not recommend that any of you go out and buy peanut butter that MAY be infected with salmonella just because I did not seem to be affected. In fact, it may have been reckless and inappropriate for me to even tell you I'm okay doing it. If you have any misgivings about eating potentially lethal peanut butter, you should continue to avoid doing so.

Many times, we set standards of behavior on our lives once we begin a faith journey. Some behaviors are clear, others are not. What is permissible for one person on a faith journey will not be permissible for another. Back in the days of the Apostle Paul, the hot topic of debate was whether to eat meat that had been sacrificed to idols.

These are waters that should be entered into very carefully. If there is something that you are hesitant to do because you don't think it is appropriate, then don't do it. If you think it is appropriate and have a clear conscience that it will not lead you away from God or down a path that eventually takes you to places clearly inappropriate, then go ahead. Either way, people must be careful about their decisions and how they judge people who disagree.

I'm one of those people who believes if it is questionable and causes more controversey than good things, I'm not doing it. But that's me. You have to decide how you want to handle your faith journey. Just remember that the decision is not one you should make alone and on your own counsel. You need to pray, search Scripture, and even ask the others around you on a faith journey.

While you search for those answers, enjoy some peanut butter. That's what I do.

Body Rhythms

My leg is doing some really weird stuff. For no apparent reason, it will go numb. Or, I will get a very warm, almost hot sensation on the outer part of my leg and I can feel it move down my leg and into my foot. I don't mean my whole leg gets warm. I mean I can feel this spot about one inch in diameter of warmness move around. When it gets to my foot, it stops and the bottom of foot just gets hot. The really really weird part is it has been doing this for about three years, but only in late January and February.

When it first began in 2004, I freaked out. I thought I had some sort of blood clot. So did the doctors. Bloodwork was done and appointments with various specialists were scheduled. After an ultrasound ruled out any circulatory problems, they sent me to a neurologist. After sending electrical impulses all through my leg and taking pictures of all sorts, the diagnosis was "Nothing's wrong with you." By the end of March, the weirdness stopped. My physician had no good answer. It was ruled out as stress. Especially since it had stopped.

The stressor that shouldered the blame was the death of my father. He passed away on Feb 27, 2004, only seven weeks after being diagnosed with cancer. Calling those seven weeks stressful is an understatement. It also coincided with drastic change in our ministry appointment. There were many other minor factors involved. When all these things were added together, they equalled one big honkin' ball of stress.

I was satisfied with that answer. Until January 2005. The weirdness in my leg began again. I did not revisit the doctor for more tests. I felt pretty sure my body was reacting to memories and emotional anniversaries. As before, it was gone by March. January 2006 came and so did the weirdness. This past Christmas I wondered aloud to my wife if January 2007 would be a repeat. A few weeks ago it became official. I had my first bout of weirdness. (Well, my first bout of weird leg sensations. Weirdness isn't really new to me.)

I told my wife about it last week. Her first words were, "Is this about your father's death?" I wish I knew. By now I'm fascinated with the process. How does my body and mind work together to create this cycle? Twenty years from now, will I be able to predict the onset of weird leg sensations? Seventy-five years from now, will there be some sort of local tradition that springs up to commemorate this annual occurence, complete with weather predicting myths and the like?

As long as I can be assured there is no real health problem, I'm not worried. I'm assuming it's some type of pyschosomatic response triggered by the emotions of the anniversary of my father's passing. In my faith journey, there are probably similar cycles of high and low times. If I analyze it, I'm sure I can map out the cycle and identify the triggers. If I'm smart enough, I can emotionally manipulate events to avoid the low triggers and maximize the high triggers. Or, it may be hopeless. I may be a prisoner to the cycle. Trying to avoid the low triggers may be like telling someone not to think about hot fudge sundaes. That's ALL they will think about.

Plus, faith journeys are more than emotional events. There is a spiritual element that can act outside of our emotional states. Many times our spiritual response is actually contrary to the norm for the current circumstance. For example, joy in the midst of suffering, love in the face of persecution, etc. But there are things we CAN control and should control. Are there things we know will trigger a downward or reverse trend in our journey? Avoid them. Some cycles should be broken.

I have to also be careful to not write off those low moments as "just part of the cycle." There may be a real spiritual health concern present that I should address. Nor should I take for granted the high moments either. So take the time to assess your rhythm. Meanwhile, I need to walk around and wake up my leg.

The Road to Here

I don't know if your team won tonight or not, but the Soul Bowl - I mean the Super Bowl - is over. It's been called the Soul Bowl by some because there was finally a black head coach on the sidelines of the Super Bowl. Not just one, but two. Tony Dungy coached the Indianapolis Colts (the winners BTW) and Lovie Smith coached the Chicago Bears. It was historic for those reasons and several commercials even made note of it.

During the game, several of us were talking about this particular situation. The subject of Doug Williams came up. Williams was the starting quarterback for the Washington Redskins. In 1988 he became the first black quarterback to win the Super Bowl. I shared my particular memories of that event as a white person. I was a college sophomore and I remember thinking it was no big deal. Williams was a great player and he deserved to win and to be awarded the MVP trophy. I also remember how important it was for my roommate and other suitemates, all of whom were young black men. It was a memorable event for many different reasons.

Nineteen years ago, I was just young enough to have missed the struggles that many of our brothers and sisters of color endured. I did not know of a time when an otherwise gifted person was denied a position solely based on skin color. College sophomores today of all colors struggle to know what the big deal is about the Soul Bowl because for a majority of them, the struggle for civil rights is history. And I think that is mostly a good thing though we cannot forget how we got Here.

I have been part of several online and offline discussions lately about matters of Christian theology, faith journeys, and the stance on particular issues by particular churches. There are some changes that need to be made because we are now Here, not Back There. However, some of these changes and the supporters of these changes almost appear to want to demolish the road behind them. They want to forget how we got to where we are.

Faith in general is like that. So much of what we believe and say about our faith journey is the product of 2000 years of Christian history, thinking, and sharing. Before that you have another 2500+ years of Jewish history, thinking, and sharing. The things we believe as Christians were not all formulated during a two week retreat and then posted for the world to see. They took years to develop. Most of us have no idea that for 300 to 400 years, there were constant debates about who Jesus really was and how he worked, etc. Some things got Here a long time ago and so we forget the development of those ideas. We then neglect to give ourselves to develop some of these ideas or fine tune some of what we believe today.

Faith really is a journey. Wherever you are on your journey, celebrate the Here where you are without forgetting the There where you used to be. Look forward to the place you will be in the future. Yet rejoice that you might be able to forget that you weren't always like this. Just a though.

Getting There (eventually)

Last night I headed over to the home of one of the teens in our church. All the teens were gathering there for the evening. They were allowing me to crash the party with my video camera. The purpose was to film some Super Bowl party commercial spoofs. I can't wait to see Stara Wars Episode 7.

I headed down the road from my house, lost in thought. I made the first of about three turns to get to his house. Still lost in thought, I noticed that I passed the house of another teen from our church. Still traveling and lost in thought, I began to notice that the scenery did not look like I expected it to. The landmarks were unfamiliar. I came to a stop sign as expected. But it was the wrong intersection. My first thought was, "I didn't know Buffaloe intersected Ten-Ten!" That's when I realized that Buffaloe doesn't do any such thing. While lost in thought, I turned one road too soon. I eventually got to my destination, just not as quickly or directly as I would have liked.

In our faith journeys, we sometimes don't get to where we want to be in the way we planned. There's a negative and a positive side to that. From the positive standpoint, the little detours and unexpected surprises bring a depth of insight or an a-ha that we would not have encountered otherwise. Sort of like getting off the main trail and discovering that hidden waterfall.

Negatively, we can take a detour that never leads us to where we want to be. Remember the family on the west coast that got lost on a logging road and stuck in a snowstorm? The wife and two small children survived in the car. The husband unfortunately did not survive his attempt to go find help. Sometimes we make decisions that either take us out of the journey completely or at least so far in the other direction that it feels like we are out of it completely.

Sometimes those decisions are deliberate. We know the potential outcome, but something inside of us desires what is on the wrong road so much that we are willing to risk it. Sometimes it happens by accident, sort of like driving down the road lost in thought. Whenever and however it happens, there are always signs to warn us to turn back. The author and director of our faith journey has mapped it out pretty well and he wants to keep us on the right road. Those warning signals will be obvious. There will always be a chance to turn around.

While your are journeying, be sure to read all the road signs. Just a thought.

Marlboro Man II

I finally bought a backpack. I decided to go to the Army surplus store and buy a used ALICE pack. It has a huge amount a space (enugh room to stow a Bradley tank) and was very inexpensive when compared to all the other new packs I have looked at. Plus, I figured if the military issues these, then they must be of some value.

As a side note, I was struck with some very somber thoughts while searching through the used bin. Many of the packs had small holes that had been patched. You couldn't help but wonder how many of the holes were created by schrapnel or bullets.

Back to the pack. For all the gains that results from buying a large inexpensive pack that is also durable, there are some cons to the purchase. It's not as comfortable as I would like. Keep in mind that I have spent the last few weeks trying on backpacks at various sporting good and outdoor stores. Some of the major selling points of these packs are the comfort features. When you are carrying anywhere from 20 to 35 pounds of gear on your back for possibly 20 or more miles a day, you appreciate the features of padding in the straps and other places in the pack. The military pack that I purchased has minimum padding. And the frame for the pack is one of those "one-size-fits-all" which means "all" but guys like me with a disproportinately long torso.

Yet I purchased it anyway. Here's why. If I'm going to be the Marlboro Man, won't I have to toughen up anyway? And if it is good enough for the men and women who put their lives on the line everyday for my freedom, can't I do them the honor of sharing in their discomfort a little? My "new" used military issue large ALICE pack awaits for my first Marlboro weekend in a few weeks.

Have you ever thought that a faith journey required a little discomfort or suffering along the way? Maybe you haven't, but have you met someone who did? Some folks take it to the extreme. History is full of stories of people who denied themselves everything but basic food (hard bread!), water, and very itchy clothes in their quest for holiness along the route of their faith journeys. Many of them lived in caves and probably went a little crazy due to lack of social contact. Just think Tom Hanks and Wilson the Volleyball.

Others have still denied themselves many of the things we think necessary for normal life, at least here in the US. For them, it is not as much about suffering as it is about avoiding "contamination" (think allergens).

Ask many people what it means to be on a Christian faith journey and they will immediately give you the list of things you can't do. It's almost like a list of the discomforts that must be endured. If I want to be a good Christian, I can't get too happy or comfortable. And for many people, that's why they never consider a faith journey. It's like saying I can't be the Marlboro Man unless I suffer a whole lot.

There are positive and appropriate ways to experience discomfort on your faith journey that actually benefit you. In the two months leading up to Easter, Christians all over the world will enter a period of preparation where many of them will deny themselves something as a means of growing closer to God. It is a type of spiritual discipline. They may fast regularly during that period or refrain from various other activities. The purpose will be to use those times to reflect more on their faith, God, and their journey in general. It's a good practice and people historically have testfied to its effectiveness.

As you go along on your faith journey, there are going to be all sorts of time of discomfort - physical, emotional, and even social. They are part of the process and they do have benefit. Just don't fall into the trap of buying a pack that is intentionally too small, has too little padding, and will never work anyway just to prove your point.

Now, how can I add some extra padding to this frame?

Allergies

We learned something about our youngest child yesterday. He was running around like a normal kid, into trouble, being too loud for indoors, saying he was hungry - you know, all the typical six year old stuff. During lunch, he ate a decent helping of all the foods he liked. He took two small bites of a muffin, then stopped because he didn't like it. Within a minutes, he began complaining about his stomach hurting. He was tired and wanted to go home. His eyes began to look puffy. Our oldest son had a flu-like virus recently that came on just as quickly, so we assumed it was something similar. Within twenty minutes, he had hurled twice. We quickly got him home, where he slept for over two hours.

After his nap, he looked like nothing had happened. You would have never known he was the same kid who was so sick just hours earlier. We began to think, "Hmmm.... I wonder if he was allergic to something in that muffin?" He even said when he first started feeling bad that he thought he was allergic to it. We called the person who made the muffins to find out what was in them and see if there was anything "new" in them. We discovered the muffins contained finely chopped walnuts.

We don't know of any real allergies our son has. We know that when he was young, he reacted adversely to peanut butter, so he hasn't had any of that since. By his choice, he avoids all nuts because in his words, "They are yucky." For obvious reasons, we are now seriously contemplating having him officially diagnosed.

If you know anything about nut allergies, you know just how life-threatening they can be. Entire school districts have banned nuts in any form from their schools. In some places, kids cannot bring the good old standby of a PB&J for their own personal consumption.

If we were only so wise on our faith journeys. Sometimes there are things along the way that spell certain death for us, at least a spiritual death. They need to be avoided like the world's worst nut allergy. Many times it is much more subtle. They allergen to your faith may not be something you immediately recognize, but it is close enough that maybe you should avoid it all together. My son's peanut butter reaction five years ago leads us to believe walnuts are also a no-no.

The trick becomes how to recognize those allergens that bear a family resemblance. Nuts are easy. What about allergens to our faith? No one would argue that pornography is definitely bad for your faith. What appears up for debate though is what other types of movies fall into that category. Will Saw III lead to some type of allergic reaction, just not in the same way? Or even harder to discern, what about Arthur and the Invisibles or perhaps Desperate Housewives? (PERSONAL NOTE: I am not lobbying one way or the other for any of these titles, but would be glad to if asked)

Allergens pop up everywhere - not just the usual suspects like movies, tv, and music. What we do with our leisure time or how we spend our money can bring allergic moments. Avoidance is the best policy. Of course, there is a prescription strength antihistamine that is available over the counter. If a faith journey is your desire, put your faith in the power to keep you on the journey. That power only comes from God himself.

Just a thought . . .